Allergic to Rollercoasters
by BookFreek
Summary: Artemis is forced against his will to go to Hershey Park, an amusement park in Hershey, Pennsylvania. How will he react to the chocolate? The roller coasters? Read and find out! Short, funny chapters.
1. Parking Lot

Allergic to Roller Coasters

Artemis is forced against his will to go to Hershey Park, an amusement park in Hershey, Pennsylvania. How will he react to the chocolate? The roller coasters? Read and find out! Short, funny chapters.

Chapter 1: Parking Lot

The gates of Hershey Park opened, perhaps one of the few amusement parks dedicated to fun _and _food. Named in honor of the famous Hershey Chocolate Factory, it had been providing America with entertainment for generations. But one kid in the excited mass of parents and children wasn't impressed…

"Mother, this is you're last chance. You're making a big mistake." Artemis Fowl the Second dug the heels of his loafers into the concrete, as his mother grabbed him by the scruff of his neck and in vain tried to drag him inside Hershey Park.

"Nonsense, Arty, it will be fun" Angeline Fowl whispered close into his ear, "You're Father and I have been thinking, we haven't gone on many family trips together."

Artemis gave her a look.

"I mean, we _have. _But we never spent time _bonding_. As a _family_."

She stressed the word "bonding". And "family." What more proof that his parents had finally gone mad? They were forcing him to have fun in an amusement park surrounded by snotty-nosed kids and empty calories for crying out loud. Pftt. American entertainment.

"Father," he said sternly, "Surely you want to leave now?"

"And miss out on all the fun, Arty? Nah." Good humored, Artemis Fowl Senior wheeled himself into Hershey Park.

It was settled then. Angeline Fowl stepped daintily through the park gates, Artemis sulkily following.

Butler trailed behind the trio, in truth the most excited of them all. Chocolate _and _rollercoasters? Sheer brilliance. American entertainment. Ah, how he loved it.


	2. Once Inside

Chapter 2: Once Inside…

A uniformed lady with a cheesy grin plastered on her face was handing out candy to the people entering. She placed a Hershey bar in Artemis's hand. Instead of continuing on his way, he stopped abruptly and tore off the wrapper.

"What _is _this!" He demanded. "Is this supposed to be chocolate?"

The lady pretended not to hear him and flashed a strained smile. He was a weirdo, this one.

Artemis took a nibble. "Just as I suspected. This is one of lowest quality chocolates I have ever tasted in my life. Pathetic." He glanced at the lady and smirked. "Just like your job."

The lady promptly burst into tears and dropped the bucket of candy she was holding to run away sobbing. A crowd of six-year olds then proceeded to stampede toward the candy, trampling Artemis in the process and dirtying his shirt with their Spidey-Man shoes.

"That," he fumed, picking himself up, "Was humiliating."

"He means _hilarious_," Butler whispered loudly to Angeline and Artemis Senior, and the three giggled like children.


	3. Say Cheese!

Chapter 3: Say Cheese!

When Artemis had significantly cleaned himself up in the Men's restroom Angeline Fowl spotted a walking Reese's Peanut Butter Cup. "Oh Arty!" she gushed, why don't we take a picture!"

"Mother, I am not five."

"Oh come on, where's your Hershey's spirit?" laughed Artemis Senior.

"You have to be joking." Looking at his parents smiling faces, he realized in horror that they were not."

"Let's get a picture. Oh Reeeeeeseeees Maaaaaaan!" his mother called loudly as she wailed her arms wildly like a drunk person, "Can we have a picture?"

The Reese's Peanut Butter Cup waved and walked closer.

"This is my son Arty," Angeline explained, "and he's been just _dying _to meet you." She pushed Artemis forward, and pulled out her camera.

"Mother," whined Artemis, "is this really necessary?"

"Nonsense Arty. Now say cheese—Artemis!"

"What?"

"Don't hide behind the Reese's Peanut Butter Man."

The man in the Reese's suit tried to push Artemis in front of him. Artemis didn't move. He pushed harder. No result. "Look kid," he growled in the boy's ear, so close Artemis could smell the nicotine on his breath, "We can do this the easy way or we can do this the hard way. Which is it gonna be?" With that, he gave him a wild shove.

Artemis stumbled forward, tripping on a candy wrapper and falling flailing towards the camera. "Noooooooo…."

CLICK!

"Ooomph!" Artemis groaned, landing face first in the concrete.

"Oh I think that will turn out just adorable!" Angeline gushed. She showed the picture on her digital camera to the Reese's man. "Isn't he just _adorable_?"

"Mmm." the man grunted.

She showed the picture to her husband and Butler, who both were silent for a few seconds. Artemis's face took up almost the whole picture, his arms waving wildly in front of him and the expression on his face of such genuine terror that finally they burst out laughing.


End file.
